5 things I looked for in a mate
During a recent talk with my wife, now being married to me for 13 years, I happen to mention I had a list of traits I sought in others when I was dating.
Naturally, she asked what those traits were since I never felt inclined to reveal these little “secrets” to her before. Just one of those things you feel free to talk about after 13 years!
The list was created when I was “still searching” and it was honed down from one of those gargantuan shopping lists from my youth.
Are you ready? Here they are, the “LARKS”:
Loyalty (including keeping confidences)
Able to work together in solving problems (and not lazy)
Respectfulness (sees value in others, ethically upright)
Kindness (including affectionate, patient, caring)
Supportiveness (including a good listener, helpful, encouraging)
Now I don’t want you to think that this is some kind of definitive list for all people in all circumstances; however, it does strongly indicate that a person’s character is much more important than the sum of any background, hobbies or interests (as important as they may be).
The added thoughts in parenthesis are not meant to be a definition of the trait, but they are there to add some additional color. You will find that some other important qualities can blend into these five, such as Forgiveness, Trustworthiness, and Commitment. Yes, there could be more.
And you may ask, “What about attractiveness? Doesn’t someone have to be physically attractive? How about chemical reaction?”
Quite frankly, I wouldn’t even write those things down, for two reasons:
#1. You just know.
#2. It’s amazing how people with good character become more beautiful than you may first believe and, conversely, people who are genuinely devoid of character have a way of establishing new frontiers for ugliness.
What’s going to help you build strong relationships?
A couple of weeks ago on Family Life Today radio broadcast, the guest cited a sociological study, where couples are usually married between 9-14 years before they achieve harmony in meeting each other’s needs as opposed to the first 0-7 years when each partner is focused more on ways to get his or her own needs filled.
Those stats resonate with me.
And what kinds of things can prepare you for that experience?
Well… in short, it just might begin with 5 core traits you put on a list.