Do you ever feel like you’re working too hard on a relationship?
It could be that you are suffering from a case of unbalanced commitment.
This one took me years to learn but I finally got it.
If you desire a marriage relationship with the one you are with and he or she does not or cannot clearly express a mutual desire for the same level of commitment, that is a RED FLAG.
In other words, do not bet on the level of commitment to change within this relationship, no matter who many amazing things you think you have in common.
This may sound insensitive to someone who feels like they are really trying to work things out, but herein lies the problem: you are most likely not problem solving together, it is just you problem solving and the other person taking advantage of extra attention you are affording them. RED FLAG.
Both of you could use an adjustment and it may very well result in separate paths.
It takes courage for both of you to back out so you can find someone who can reciprocate in your desired relationship.
Four things to consider:
1) Recognize the difference of intention, sooner the better. If necessary give yourself a deadline, like two months. Either mutual chemical reaction is in play or it is not. (but don’t forget the FIVE things I wrote about earlier).
2) Do not judge the other person for your disappointment, accept that there was some common ground but not in the area of commitment.
3)Take responsibility for your own expectations.
You will ultimately understand that what you are able to learn is valuable, important, and necessary to get you to the next stage of awareness (success is built upon steps of failure, or perhaps you could just say, a string of new and serious experiences).
4) Recognize early if you are coming into a relationship needy.
Remember what Jim Rohn says about how “success is something you attract by being an attractive person [not a needy person].”
I know, sometimes this stuff hits pretty hard but you’ll be stronger, better and wiser. Keep your chin up.